A Day At The Zoo

We picked Australia Day to visit the Melbourne Zoo. As it turns out, this is their busiest day of the year. Standing in the queue outside the gates, I started to have nightclub anxiety. I would finally get to the end of the line only to be turned away for wearing the wrong shoes or not being able to remember my star sign. My girlfriend would, of course, be waved right through and would spend the night cage-dancing and probably go home with some hairy-backed, knuckle-dragging ape.

The last time I was at the zoo was Christmas Day a few years ago with my immediate family. We took an esky and had Christmas lunch in an old 1920s concrete-and-bars monkey cage. Japanese tourists took photos.

The zoo has changed a little since then. The elephants have a new area which is modelled after a Thai village. Buy some Thai food, listen to some Thai music, and watch some Asian elephants. Try to avoid making jokes about bar girls or ping pong ball tricks. Everyone does those; and for some reason Thais don’t seem to think they’re funny. Obviously they have a poorly developed sense of humour.

Outside the giraffe and zebra enclosure, Aimee told the story of the last time she was at the zoo as an eight year old. She had been horrified to see a giraffe drink another giraffe’s pee. A male giraffe will taste another giraffe’s urine to see if she is in heat. I speculated that perhaps the giraffes had been imported from Germany. She didn’t think that was funny.

I asked if Aimee wanted to see the Macaws get fed before we went home. She said that she didn’t feel a pressing need to “see them squawk and poo”. I pointed out that she can see that anytime at home for free over dinner. She didn’t think that poking fun at her housemates was funny either. Maybe she’s part Thai.

We went home.

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