Mum, is that you?

I have reservations about putting this one in my scrapbook but I found it both geeky and funny, so here goes….

Found on a random forum somewhere…

#4924 by Vampirate (porn king of the porn) at 2003-12-09 07:04:50 GMT
I have quite a few, but my fav to this day, which is sorta sad, follows.

(Insert backstory)
By looking at her, anyone would think my mom is a pretty frigid bitch. I’ve never even seen her kiss a man more than a quick peck come to think of it. But when I was 9 or 10 I found her stash of erotica novels. Tons of them. Good stuff too. I used to read it all the time and do what young boys do naturally. I was pretty much a geeky kid, even through all of high school, and never got laid till I was 19, but I knew some pretty kinky shit from those novels. I knew when the time came, I would make some woman very happy.

(flash forward to 1997-

Back in the late 90’s I hosted and moderated a few rather popular perl html based chat rooms. It was a rather nice, close knit community and everyone pretty much got along. The adult rooms were, as usual, by far the most popular.

I still talked to my mom occasionally on line, and was very proud of my scripting skills with perl and my html. I showed her my sites and she was impressed. I thought that was the end of the story.

About 6 months later I’m in one of the adult rooms with about 12 of my friends, I was a little drunk, and everyone knew I had a reputation for being a very intense cyber erotica writer (thanks for letting me find those books mom). People were coming and going in the room as they usually do, and the conversation turned to my cybering skills v/s my real life activities. I had slept (in real life) with 4 or 5 of the women in the room, and the chat was *very* open and graphic. The ladies were doing their best to stroke my ego, and I was enjoying the conversation intensely. We almost never had any private messages, and I suppose I got off on cybering in public sometimes. Anyways, the conversation eventually turned into a cyber orgy, with yours truly as the dungeon master. I should have kept it. It would have sold *well* in print.

As it was “wrapping up” something was bothering me, and I could not put my finger on it, until I realized that I recognized one of the names in the room. Not as a friend, but someone who was not a regular to the adult rooms. It was near the top of the list which meant they had been there for hours. I literally screamed out loud as I realized that I had just shared the better part of my entire sexual history, fetishes, and list of the married women I had been sleeping with with MY MOTHER.

I didn’t even log out, I literally ripped the network cables out of the server, pulled the power cords and walked outside.

It was three weeks before I could get the nerve to log back in.

When I did I had an email waiting from my mother. “You are a slut. I hope you know that. That being said, you are apparently a very talented slut, who has brought happiness to many people. Your writing style is truly impressive, and I think you could have a future writing erotica. As far as your real life stuff goes, I never thought you had it in you. If you were not my son I would have driven over there and fucked your brains out after hearing those women talking about you. I hope for your sake you are being safe about it. Love, Mom. ”

Needless to say I am *still* not sure how I feel about the whole thing. And I never did tell my friends who that quiet person was in the room that night.

-Vamp

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